Can I attend a non-Catholic wedding?

Q: Recently my cousin got engaged and is in the planning process of her wedding. She is a baptized Catholic and has received both first Communion and confirmation. Over time my cousin slowly fell away from the Faith. The man she is marrying is a great guy -- however, he is not Catholic. From the looks of it, the wedding is not going to be in a Catholic Church and more along the lines of a beach wedding or at a fancy hotel.

The wedding will be presided over by what looks to be a friend. I am worried now about the rift that might happen in my family if we decline to go to my cousin's wedding. I also do not want to go against my Catholic beliefs. I guess after all that my question is: What are the "rules" around attending a non-Catholic wedding of a Catholic and a non-Catholic? (New Hampshire)

A: Very strictly speaking, the church does not have the kind of formal "rules" you are looking for on this issue, but the choice of whether to attend a problematic wedding requires serious personal discernment.

For some background, Catholics and only Catholics are required to marry "according to canonical form," which for the most part means marrying in a Catholic ceremony. If a Catholic neglects to observe canonical form in their wedding, this is not only illicit (i.e., something we're not supposed to do) but also leads to an invalid marriage (i.e., the wedding will not have "worked" and no real marriage will have taken place). And for the purposes of marriage, a person is considered "Catholic" if they were ever baptized Catholic or formally entered the church at any point, even if they are now no longer practicing.

It is possible, however, for a Catholic who is marrying a non-Catholic to obtain a "dispensation from canonical form," which is special permission from the local bishop to marry in a non-Catholic ceremony. These dispensations are granted on a case-by-case basis for serious pastoral reasons, and it allows for a Catholic to contract a valid marriage even in a non-Catholic context.

If your cousin has actually been granted a dispensation from canonical form, then as long as the officiant was qualified to witness a civilly valid marriage, there is nothing problematic about the wedding from a Catholic perspective, and there would be no issue with you attending such a wedding. It could be that your cousin actually did request this kind of dispensation -- or if not, perhaps you might suggest she meet with a priest from the closest parish to ask about this as a possibility.

Things are more complicated if your cousin has no intention of requesting a dispensation from canonical form. In that case, the marriage would be straightforwardly invalid.

The church does not have any stated clear prohibition on attending a wedding you know to be invalid, but there are good reasons why a Catholic may decide in conscience that they could not be present at such a wedding.

One such reason is a basic sense of truthfulness. If a Catholic attends a clearly invalid wedding in the normal festive spirit, they are celebrating something which is, at least objectively "on paper," a falsehood.

Another issue is the potential for scandal. Technically "scandal" doesn't mean something "shocking"; it means causing others to stumble. If a Catholic -- especially one with a ministerial or teaching role, like clergy or catechists -- were to attend an obviously invalid wedding, this could send the message that it's not a big deal to ignore the church's marriage laws.

At the end of the day, you personally need to weigh the need to avoid causing scandal with potential concerns about family unity, keeping in mind what is truly best for the souls of those involved. I would suggest discussing your situation with a good priest who knows you well in real life.