Faith, trust and 'grace in sacrament of marriage' guide couple in cancer journey

INDIANAPOLIS (OSV News) -- As far as memorable days go, they just didn't get much more remarkable than July 20 this year for Benjamin "Ben" and Leigh Sargeant.

That day, Ben and the couple's 8-year-old son Dominic walked among a group of first communicants, leading a Eucharistic procession of 50,000-plus participants in downtown Indianapolis during the National Eucharistic Congress.

"We got to wave to the rest of the family as we walked by, and then they followed along with the rest of the procession," Ben said of Leigh and their four other children, ages 10 and younger.

Then came the experience of adoring Christ in the Blessed Sacrament together with tens of thousands of Catholics in the city's outdoor Memorial Plaza.

Afterward, the family -- members of St. Peter Parish in Huber Heights, Ohio, in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati -- enjoyed a picnic in the grassy plaza, by then mostly emptied of the worshipping throng.

A warm, sunny day with a few lacy clouds above made for the whipped cream. And the cherry on top?

"Today is our 11th anniversary," said Leigh, as Ben smiled and gave her a side hug. "Getting to celebrate it today is really a blessing."

Part of that blessing was seen in the couple's five healthy children playing nearby in the grass.
Part of that blessing was in a positive medical imaging scan Leigh had recently received.

And a tremendous part of that blessing is the very existence of Leigh and the couple's 1-year-old son Isaiah, with whom she was just nine weeks pregnant when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

"It can be hard to keep going," Leigh admitted. "We still have doctor's appointments and lots of scans and side effects and everything."

But through the suffering, the couple has learned much about faith, trust -- and the powerful grace that comes through the sacrament of marriage.

Leigh and Ben, both lifelong Catholics, met through a Catholic student ministry at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, Virginia, the summer before their senior year at the school.

The two dated during their senior year. Then they maintained a long-distance relationship after Ben accepted a job at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio, while Leigh continued with two more years of education for her master's degree in speech pathology. Her second year involved an internship -- she was accepted for internship in Cincinnati. She later accepted a job in Dayton.

Ben proposed while the two were on a backpacking trip he'd planned through the Red River Gorge in Kentucky.

The couple was married on July 20, 2013, in St. Thomas Aquinas Church in Charlottesville.

After their wedding, Ben and Leigh wasted little time starting their family, naming each child for a saint or biblical figure: Samuel, 10; Dominic, 8; Peter, 6; Rose, who was 3 at the time of the Eucharistic congress but recently turned 4; and Isaiah, 1.

Their youngest child's first name is in honor of the biblical prophet from whom "so many wonderful Scripture passages come," Ben told The Criterion, newspaper of the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.

His middle name is Raphael, in honor of the archangel. There is meaning behind the choice of that name, too.

"He is the patron of healing," Leigh explained, a patron they "leaned a lot on in prayer" after she was diagnosed with cancer.

"I had this little cyst I noticed about two months" prior to her first obstetrics appointment, she said. "Everything I read online said if you're young or pregnant or have kids, you don't have to worry. But I just wasn't sure. (The nurse practitioner) felt it and said, 'I wouldn't worry, but we'll order an ultrasound just in case.'"

The ultrasound led to a biopsy. Leigh said the doctor was "just as shocked as we were" by the diagnosis of cancer.

"It was so scary," said Ben. "We were balancing risks as we treated two patients. You can minimize risk, but not eliminate it."

The couple and their doctors found a suitable chemotherapy treatment through a database built on studies of women with cancer while pregnant.

Still, said Ben, "I remember feeling, especially in the first few days, how fragile our lives are, and how we have this illusion of control. That all comes crashing down when suddenly you're meeting a different doctor every day, reading lots of medical journals to understand what the optimal treatment might be or to ask the right questions. What it came down to was a lot of trust."

The Sargeants found physical, emotional and spiritual support from their home-school community and a Caring Bridge site the couple created.

There were other spiritual sources to help cope with the suffering as well. Ben recalls watching a video with a comforting message involving the story of Christ asleep in a boat with the Apostles, who feared for their lives as a storm churned the sea.

"The speaker said there are times when (Jesus) wakes up and he calms the storm in our lives," Ben recalled. "And there are other times when he doesn't calm the storm, but he's still there with us in the boat.

"That's something we've experienced the last couple of years going through the suffering of cancer treatment, especially times when we thought there was a setback," he said. "In the midst of that, we've felt his presence. No matter what, God is with us through all of this, teaching us to rely on him."

Leigh agreed.

"The struggle really has helped us to be stronger in our faith, stronger as a family, stronger with our mission," she said. "Because when you're going through suffering, especially when you're confronting your own mortality, it really just makes you think, 'Do we believe our faith?' And we decided we do."

The words "we do" is a sign of the couple's move from "I do" 11 years earlier in their nuptial Mass -- another source of strength for the couple.

Ben recalled words the priest said during the homily of that Mass: "There's enough grace in the sacrament of matrimony for everything life is going to bring, so continue going back to that grace. Don't underestimate the grace of the sacrament."

In their suffering, they've turned to that grace together in prayer as a couple, including completing a Marian consecration during 33 active days of radiation treatment.

The couple also prays every evening with their children. And more than once, Ben took "one or more of the children (to church) to light candles for Mommy and baby."

"Our faith, this sacrament (of marriage) gave us the foundation of, 'We're in this together, no matter what,' " said Ben.

Leigh is overwhelmed by the sacrament's power to increase love.

"It reminds me of (country singer) Brad Paisley's song 'Then,' the words 'I always thought I loved you then,' " she said before inserting her husband's name into a summary of the lyrics: "Ben, I definitely loved you on the day we got married, but I love you even more now.

"Especially going through the births of all our children, being there through parenthood together, and now cancer together. It just makes me appreciate and love him even more."

Leigh finished her chemotherapy and radiation treatments in December and is in the midst of five years of hormone therapy.

"There was a worrying image in January, but on follow-up everything was OK," said Ben. "We had another good scan recently, so we're good for the next six months."

The couple decided to "be more thankful and praise God for these (good) times and celebrate each positive result in a special way -- take a trip, see family," said Leigh.

Still, "It's been a long journey," Ben admitted. "There are a lot of ups and downs.

"But whether in difficult moments or in times of celebration, Jesus has always been there."