On my way to a convent

By Elizabeth Suaso

Elizabeth Suaso was recently employed by the Diocese of Tucson in the Office of Vocations. This month, she leaves Arizona to pursue a religious vocation. 

Soon, I will undergo a year of formation with the Sister Adorers of the Royal Heart of Jesus Christ Sovereign Priest as a postulant. These Sisters are affiliated with the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest (ICKSP), who operate in our diocese at Saint Gianna Oratory.

I first had the idea that I might like to be a nun around the age of 5 or 6. Kids say silly, cute things all the time, so my family never really encouraged me to look into it after I made the declaration at a church picnic while waiting on my slice of watermelon.

Life went on. I grew up, and like many young people of my generation, I gradually fell away from the faith before making the decision as a teenager that I didn’t really believe in God or religion. Throughout my adolescence, I moved in and out of various phases: atheism, agnosticism, and even neopaganism.

It was while I was out shopping with my mother near Christmas that I happened to see a Catholic priest in passing – all in black with the iconic Roman Collar. I can’t explain it, but seeing him instantly filled my mind with questions. I left my mother to her shopping and wandered into the nearest bookstore. There, I purchased a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and a book by some guy I’d never heard of – Bishop Fulton Sheen.

I soaked up everything I could from those books like a sponge, being almost awestruck by the truth of our Catholic faith that I had never been taught well or understood beforehand. Within a few weeks, I entered the confessional for the first time since I had made my First Confession at the age of 7 or 8 and began attending Mass again.

Like many converts and re-verts to the faith, I came to wonder if God was calling me to religious life. My parish priest wisely suggested I give it some time, but being impatient, I had already given my contact info to dozens of orders, thanks to the wonders of instant communication through the internet. Almost every order I spoke with encouraged me to go to college to get “Life Experience”, as I was only 21.

Soon, I was accepted and enrolled at Belmont Abbey College where I majored in theology. During my freshman year, being very curious about the lives of monks, I attended Lauds and Vespers nearly every day. I loved it, and I credit those Belmont Abbey monks with teaching me to appreciate the Liturgy of the Hours. During my summers, I participated in the One Bread, One Cup program at Saint Meinrad Seminary and School of Theology at Saint Meinrad Archabbey as an intern. The monks at Saint Meinrad with whom I worked closely quickly ascertained that I probably had a vocation, and they encouraged me to discern.

Discernment is sometimes easier said than done. On a student’s budget, I was able to arrange a brief visit to a Benedictine women’s community in Colorado. I liked it and considered dropping out of college to begin immediate discernment with them. A monk at Belmont Abbey advised me to complete my studies, and so I did. I was even accepted to a graduate program at Saint Meinrad and moved to Indiana to continue my studies there.

My time at Saint Meinrad came to an abrupt end when I had to return to my home state of South Carolina to care for my mother who was dying of cancer. When she died a few weeks after my return home, I moved to Tucson to live with my father. For the first five years that I was in Tucson, I was mostly focused on getting by in life. I returned to Saint Meinrad for Holy Week, and a monk-friend encouraged me to get involved with a parish upon my return to Tucson.

I had never considered it a viable option for me before, but one morning I found myself in line for confession at Saint Gianna Oratory. I was very impressed by the level of concern and care for my soul that the priest on the other side of the screen – Canon Jonathon Fehrenbacher – demonstrated during my confession. I decided I’d give Saint Gianna a try, and attended Mass there for about a month until a parishioner approached me and encouraged me to become a registered member. So I did!

I had never been a huge fan of the Extraordinary Form of the Mass up to that point, and I was primarily drawn to their close-knit community and the sincere dedication of the pastor to his flock. But I did grow to love the traditional liturgy and customs which the ICKSP promote, and felt my spiritual life improve as I became more and more immersed in them.

I soon learned that the ICKSP had a group of affiliated sisters, and I once again felt excitement at the idea of pursuing religious life as I had years before. I contacted the Sisters and we communicated back and forth for some time. Canon Fehrenbacher became my spiritual director, and as soon as the Sisters began discussing the prospect of having me visit their convent in the USA, Covid-19 emerged and changed everything.

Our priest took every step possible within diocesan guidelines to ensure that our spiritual needs were being met, and I am grateful for that as it helped me maintain momentum in my discernment process. In the summer of 2020, as air travel was again permitted, I was able to visit the convent for a few days. I liked what I experienced, and the Sisters suggested I make a longer stay at their House of Formation in Italy.

This is typical for religious discernment. Just like preparing for marriage by dating, someone considering religious life needs to “meet” various religious communities, and when finding one that seems suitable, you have to get to know the community better before making a leap. It’s good to have a spiritual director of some sort to help you along in the process as well, just as one might consult one’s parents before agreeing to marry “The One”.

My visit to the Formation House was good, but it was decided I needed to really, really immerse myself in their way of life. So, in the summer of 2022, I spent three months at another one of their convents in Germany. After that successful visit, I applied and was accepted by the Mother Superior. This summer, I received my formal invitation to enter as a postulant in the fall, and soon I will leave the USA to travel back to the House of Formation in Italy.

The process for becoming a nun or sister varies for every order – and there are many orders. Generally, one starts out as an inquirer, making a brief visit or two with a community of sisters. Then as things get serious, a longer visit is made. If the individual and the community both think it’s a good idea, a woman becomes a postulant and lives with the community for anywhere between six months to a year. She isn’t a sister yet, but learns the customs of the community and participates in their way of life. The next step of formation is to become a novice – she is now considered a sister and has taken simple, temporary vows. This phase can last several years before she makes a full profession of vows and is a permanent member of the community.

My discernment, in truth, is only just beginning! The postulancy is the first phase of formal discernment with the Sisters, a journey I am very much looking forward to. This community has as its primary characteristic – or charism – a focus on praying for the sanctification of priests, and then using their skills and talents to do whatever is necessary to support the mission of the ICKSP. As St. John Vianney said, “After God, the priest is everything”, and in my spiritual development all these years, there has always been a good, faithful priest to encourage and inspire me to desire to become the person God has made me to be. The priesthood is beautiful, and I look forward to seeing if I am to dedicate my life to praying for them and supporting them so that they can continue to faithfully open up the avenues of grace through the Sacraments to all of us through their ministry.

My days will be spent chanting the Liturgy of the Hours, prayerfully assisting at Holy Mass, spending time with Christ in Eucharistic Adoration, studying theology, reading spiritual works, and eventually helping meet the needs of various ICKSP apostolates through tasks that could include everything from teaching Catechism classes to sewing and mending vestments. Ultimately, I will take great joy in knowing that everything I’ll be doing will be for the love of Christ. And, if it is God’s will, I will complete formation after many years and become a permanent member of the community.

If any young ladies or women out there would like to take my advice, I cannot recommend discerning a vocation to religious life enough! You’ll never have to wonder what could have been, you’ll either find a community that’s right for you or you’ll know that marriage is the way God wants you to work out your salvation. Trust your parish priest and confide in him – let him help you get started. God will help him help you! Go to Holy Mass as often as you can, confession as often as is necessary, and never go a day without praying. As much as possible, spend time in Adoration – you’ll discover so much sweetness in those silent, precious moments before our Eucharistic Lord. Overall, trust that God will put you exactly where you need to be. There is no greater adventure in this life that one can possibly undertake.