Preparing for a Holy Marriage

Couples preparing for marriage have the unique opportunity to step away from the busyness of wedding planning, to retreat together, and to share openly about their expectations for the marriage. This is made possible through the Catholic Engaged Encounter, which is offered to engaged couples of all ages, six times a year in the Diocese of Tucson.  

 

Attendees come in every season of life: some couples are 18 years old and others are 75, though most are in their 20s and 30s. While the majority of couples are Catholic, coordinators frequently see non-Christians or even atheists.  

 

Throughout the weekend, engaged couples listen to the experiences of married couples and hear perspectives from a priest, then reflect individually and discuss privately with their fiancé. 

 

Martin DeSoto and his wife Delia have been married for 49 years. The San Xavier Mission parishioners have been serving as a presenter couple for Engaged Encounter since 1996. He shared, “Listening to married couples discuss their personal experiences and hearing from the priest gives the couples insight to various topics and how the presenters dealt with issues, as well as Catholic doctrine from the priest. This is an opportunity for them to discuss topics that they have not discussed or topics that have not come up in their relationship. We have had couples from previous weekends approach us randomly throughout the years letting us know what an impact the weekend made in their marriage.” 

 

Topics include finances, family of origin, marriage as a Sacrament, conflict management, understanding oneself, values, communication, and intimacy. “We help them discuss topics in a quiet safe setting away from friends, family and other distractions,” said DeSoto. 

 

Sometimes couples discover differences while discussing. Engaged Encounter helps to shed light on sensitive topics and prevent couples from being blindsided before they get married. The Catholic Church teaches that the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is a lifetime commitment. Couples commit to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor one another all the days of their lives. The marriage vows reflect the four aspects of love: free, total, faithful, and fruitful. By sharing honestly about such topics at Engaged Encounter, couples can better understand if they are well-suited for their intended union. 

 

“The Catholic Church requires a marriage prep course before getting married in the Church because marriage is a sacrament; it's sacred, and every couple should put time into getting prepared for their marriage to truly understand the sacrament and to gain a deeper understanding of themselves, each individually and together as a married couple,” said Ivan Urbieta. He and his wife, Maria, have been married for five years and have been serving as a presenter couple for the past three years. They are parishioners of St. Francis of Assisi in Yuma. 

 

“We believe there's always room for more communication,” said Urbieta, “even for couples who have been together for years or married civilly and who are experiencing marriage and family and everything that comes along with it. These couples can still enjoy the quiet weekend they get to have with one another and strengthen their plans and future. We change and grow individually and as couples, so there's always room for further discussion throughout our relationship. Our values as a couple can change from when we're newlyweds to even a few years down the road. When Maria and I attended our weekend in 2019, we were already married civilly, and we had our first son. We were extremely nervous the morning of our first day. We had no idea what to expect, we felt we already knew each other, but we learned so much. It helped us to focus on what was important and really dive in deeper than what we had at that point as far as finances and values we wanted to bring into our family.” 

 

After attending Engaged Encounter, Urbieta knew he also wanted to be involved in the ministry, “Maria was hesitant because she doesn't like speaking in front of large groups, but we love being a part of it. It's a great ministry with great couples, priests, and deacons. We both saw how connected the presenting couples were; they put God at the center of their marriage and believed in the importance of building strong marriages, which really drew us in.” 

 

Both couples invite others to discern volunteering with the Catholic Engaged Encounter. “There are many different roles that can be filled within this ministry, so any couples who truly value marriage and the Church would be a great addition to the group! We feel blessed to be a part of this ministry and it truly brings so much to our marriage just being present at a weekend. We pray that any couples who are led to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend come with an open heart, come for each other, to place God at the center of their relationship, and prepare for a lifelong marriage.”

 

Catholic Engaged Encounter weekends take place at the Diocese of Tucson’s Bishop Kicanas Pastoral Center. Information and registration for upcoming weekends are available online at tucson.engagedencounter.com. Urbieta encourages all engaged couples to attend, “It's a quiet time for couples to focus on their relationship and values and create the foundation for their life. The weekend focuses on couples having strong, open, and honest communication that they can carry with them throughout their lifelong marriage.” After all, as the Engaged Encounter motto says, “A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime.”